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Blessing and Miracle
02-12-2009, 06:19 PM
In recent events two famous singers were allegedly in an altercation over the weekend. Reports are saying, Chris Brown hit Rhianna. I don't know if it's true or not and I'm not here to bash on either of them. Just want to get views from you all on the topic of hitting another person.

I have 3 boys and 3 girls. I have always taught my boys AND oldest Daughter (the other two girls are too small) to never hit anyone.
And if you are in a relationship with someone and if it ever gets to the point where you want to hit them, then you walk away!!!
I've always told my boys that think about their mother and sisters. How would they feel if a male hit them? So don't do it to someone else's daughter or sister.

But, I also think that a woman should be held responsible for hitting a man as well. Yeah, they say that a women isn't as strong as a man, but it's okay if women want to do manly jobs! ???

I think the consequences should be equal. No one should be hitting. I don't want anyone hitting on my boys or my girls.

What's your opinion? (we aren't fussing here, just sharing our thoughts, please no one take offense). :)

Hedy
02-12-2009, 06:49 PM
((In the interest of full disclosure, I used to work with batterers to reeducate them))
Regardless of the whole hitting thing, what this is screaming to me is "OH HI, IN CASE YOU FORGOT, ABUSE IS A LEARNED BEHAVIOR." Chris Brown has gone on the record saying that he was abused. It's not an excuse, but IMO a reminder that sometimes we need to check our pasts (and get help) before we wreck ourselves.
That said, anyone can be an abuser.

bbangel
02-12-2009, 07:12 PM
That said, anyone can be an abuser.


Very true. My sister used to beat on me and it was very misunderstood. People still don't understand why I refuse to have a relationship with her to this day. It is never okay to hit someone!

jl8595
02-12-2009, 07:30 PM
My disclaimer is similar to Hedy's: I worked as a domestic violence counselor during my college years. I counseled hundreds of female victims in two inner city shelters and I counseled a handful of male victims via our crisis hotline. The male cases were far more rare, but they certainly existed and they were typically just as horrific.

So obviously I'm strongly opposed to physical violence of any kind, perpetrated upon any gender. Hedy is right - the behavior is typically learned and the perpetrators can be extremely manipulative. Expertly manipulative and expertly cyclical. It's entirely possible that Chris Brown's actions toward Rhianna weren't the first...perhaps "bad timing" for him and she sought medical attention and the story exploded from there. Sadly, had it not been a famous couple, it wouldn't have been newsworthy and more than likely she'd have returned to her batterer after a brief attempt to seek domestic violence services. I saw it day in and day out. And I can attest to the fact that it's easier for female victims to be taken seriously than male victims. I too wish they were pursued and prosecuted equally.

My daughters have been taught that we use our hands for hugging, praying and clapping - never hitting. We don't even let them get physical with each other (although they're girls, so that's probably easier to accomplish, as my dear friend with two boys points out to me, LOL!). Violence is not acceptable in our home on any level.

jl8595
02-12-2009, 07:41 PM
Very true. My sister used to beat on me and it was very misunderstood. People still don't understand why I refuse to have a relationship with her to this day. It is never okay to hit someone!

And that's exactly the reason I tell my girls why it's not acceptable to hurt each other physically or mentally. Their relationship will mean so much more to them when they're adults if they're not carrying emotional scars. It's very hard to get past some of those scars.

m 'n c
02-12-2009, 09:32 PM
I don't think you should ever hit anyone else or threaten to hit (verbally or with hand signals). My brother and I went through a very short lived phase where we would slap one another but it ended pretty quickly once my parents got ahold of us in the act. I wouldn't tolerate that either with any future kids of mine.

Blessing and Miracle
02-12-2009, 10:34 PM
I totally agree, anyone can be an abuser. Most people can't believe it when one is uncovered.

Hitting is definitely not allowed in our home either. I remember when we were little and even if we were fussing with each other my father would make us embrace until he told us to stop. :rotfl: We always ended up laughing and forgetting all about whatever we were fussing about. That was our punishment.

I used that with my children as well and it worked pretty good. :)

pbhall13
02-12-2009, 10:41 PM
my father would make us embrace until he told us to stop. :rotfl: We always ended up laughing and forgetting all about whatever we were fussing about. That was our punishment.

I used that with my children as well and it worked pretty good. :)


OH Lisa....I love that. Hitting is not tolerated here either, but the girls do bicker quite a bit lately:(I am hoping it is a stage) but hope you don't mind I am going to borrow this idea.

fourfoxesinpa
02-13-2009, 07:36 AM
Too Funny (well, not really funny at all) because when I saw the name of the thread, I thought we'd be talking about Nadya Suleman and her 14 kids.

I don't think anyone should hit anyone - especially a man being physically violent against a woman. And, sadly, it sounds like this is not an isolated incident, that Chris Brown has hit her before. They both need some help.

lanny76
02-13-2009, 10:01 AM
I think that sometimes it is hard to take the notion that a woman can beat on a man, too - I have heard of cases where definitely the woman was the aggressor, then the guy snaps, and who ends up with the greater share of blame? Usually the guy. Kind of a stereotyped reaction, which is sad.
That said, no excuses/justifications for that sort of thing. Like others have said, both of them need help - as does anyone in that sort of situation, both abuser and abused.
I have a small amount of personal experience with physical violence - not in my marriage, but in my childhood. That situation is long since resolved, but one does find that the emotional effects linger many years, certainly.

Blessing and Miracle
02-13-2009, 03:23 PM
OH Lisa....I love that. Hitting is not tolerated here either, but the girls do bicker quite a bit lately:(I am hoping it is a stage) but hope you don't mind I am going to borrow this idea.

I don't mind at all. Now that I'm grown I think my Dad was genius with this idea! I can still remember our reactions as if it happened yesterday. My dad never spanked us. He used this and another one that I thought was even harsher. If we were acting up, he would send us back to bed regardless of what time it was. :rotfl: It didn't matter if we had just gotten up, back to bed we went. And you know back then we didn't have the technology that our kids have today, so it was pretty boring and very effective as who wanted to go back to bed for the night at 10:00 in the morning. We were only allowed to come out and eat. :rotfl: Gone are the good ol' days.

Perhaps, this is one of the reasons we all turned out pretty darn good and very close.

Hedy
02-20-2009, 07:51 PM
May I darn to heck whatever poopstain on the face of humanity decided to release the photos of Rhianna's injuries? :mad::mad::mad:
Just came up while I was on Youtube. :eek: I actually feel nauseated.

lanny76
02-20-2009, 08:00 PM
May I darn to heck whatever poopstain on the face of humanity decided to release the photos of Rhianna's injuries? :mad::mad::mad:
Just came up while I was on Youtube. :eek: I actually feel nauseated.

that is terrible, you're right. she should have had her privacy respected; but somebody thinks of the photo as getting some sort of scoop, disgusting.:mad:

fourfoxesinpa
02-20-2009, 08:07 PM
I think it first showed up on TMZ. Big shame on the LAPD employee that leaked it.

Blessing and Miracle
02-20-2009, 08:13 PM
I think it first showed up on TMZ. Big shame on the LAPD employee that leaked it.

The head of LAPD claims whomever leaked those photos will suffer severe consquences.

My heart ached all over when I saw those photos. Sad, sad, sad. If he did that, he needs to be in jail. :(

askomsky
02-20-2009, 09:08 PM
The head of LAPD claims whomever leaked those photos will suffer severe consquences.

My heart ached all over when I saw those photos. Sad, sad, sad. If he did that, he needs to be in jail. :(

I agree, when I saw that picture I was horrified. I heard on our local news that the LAPD is looking for the source of the leak. I Hope they find them!

Hedy
03-11-2009, 09:58 AM
IThis is officially f-ed-up. Chris brown is still on the ballot for the Kids Choice awards (http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/chi-0311-ft-chris-brownmar11,0,4889035.story)? Nick is getting one heck of a pissy letter when I get home. :mad::mad::mad:

SunshineGirl
03-11-2009, 10:03 AM
My radio station said that they are recording a song together because SHE feels badly that she ruined HIS reputation and wants to make it up to him. :(

m 'n c
03-11-2009, 10:28 AM
IThis is officially f-ed-up. Chris brown is still on the ballot for the Kids Choice awards (http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/chi-0311-ft-chris-brownmar11,0,4889035.story)? Nick is getting one heck of a pissy letter when I get home. :mad::mad::mad:

I saw that on Yahoo News last night and was very disappointed. I'm also disappointed in the singers who are coming out saying they will work with him and we should keep his work and his personal life separate. I don't think it's that easy when he's singing his pop-ish, happy songs. I really can't name one of his songs but I'm sure he has at least one talking about love or girlfriend or something. That's really believable after this incident. :rolleyes:

m 'n c
03-11-2009, 10:29 AM
My radio station said that they are recording a song together because SHE feels badly that she ruined HIS reputation and wants to make it up to him. :(

If that is the case I've lost all respect for her. They both need help but no one is going to tell them that or get it for them.

sunshinecindy
03-11-2009, 11:00 AM
All sorts of stories everywhere, even one reporting they got married so she wouldn't have to testify against him. Also, the word is that she started it over another women he was texting. Whatever, they both need help. Him for being an abuser and not being able to control his temper by either walking away or talking it out. Her for just staying in this relationship and sticking up for him.She should however not have smacked him first, that is wrong and asking for trouble. I've always told my girls if you hit someone, be prepared to be hit back. But, then again, we don't all know all the circumstances. Maybe she is back with him on the stipulation he gets help. I don't have high hopes for that, but you just never know. They are both young and starry eyed and have lots to learn and hopefully they both will. And yes, shame on whoever leaked that photo, that is private and should have been kept that way.